Niceties and Personal Dynamics

[dametheadee]

So if you want to know if a particular person or persons are talking about you or something you did, how do you handle it?  Do you try to collect information, or do you go to the person and talk to them?

Do you stand back and watch when people that need to be able to work together for the common good are having issues?  Do you stand back and watch for the possible train wreck when they aren't talking to each other?

And what kind of advice can you really give?  Do you remind them of how their actions or lack of actions go far beyond just themselves?   Do you remind them of the grievance procedure?  How far do you go?

Does it matter how much you are committed to the common good?  Should that change what you say or do?

These questions do not require an answer.  I just wish I had one.  When did people forget the basics of niceties and personal dynamics?  When did they forget how to talk to each other?  Did they forget we all theoretically work for the common good? 

All of these people are highly principled in their own way.  I just can't figure out how they seem to be coming from such a place where they seem to believe the worst out of each other.

I know... cryptic.  But it is the best I can muster right now.

Comments

[theiadora.livejournal.com]

I understand. I've wondered what ever happened to giving the people the benefit of the doubt? Or chalking it up to having a bad day? And just because they don't act they way you would have, why then are they Wrong, versus just Not you? Agreeing to disagree is a valuable aspect in everyones lives. If we were all the same and did things the same way, this world would be Really boring.
I don't like every one in the SCA, and I know not everyone likes me. Be learn to be polite, and move on.

[public-shaylan.livejournal.com]

*hug*
I think when folks are originally not given the ben.of.doubt... or are given conflicting info... or are given sugar-sweet then sudden abrasive without reason for the shift...
Their reactions may not be the top of their game.
However, they may not know the other pieces in the game or moves made in that background that didn't interact with them...

I has a sad when they still try to do the communication and are still shut out or given the stick... and then they feel that they have to go up the food chain...

I has a sad when other people not really in the middle of the conflict get munched, punched, and spit out - because they and their service are valued... they were just doing the greater good view and didn't deserve the abuse.

I has a sad when I see the abuse being given.... Because I thought we were supposed to be playing nice for the same goal - greater good... true we all have different paths to the end - but that's what makes us each valuable... and the idea that someone is so rigid in their belief that their way is the only way thus they don't have to play nice with the others is a sign to me that they are either burned out or damaged...

But... the viewpoint changes the view... and none of us can really see all pieces of all the sides.

And then... to make it worse... the rumors get around.
Just like dropping a stone in a pond - the ripples go out and then return and cross over the echoes and in our game that makes more stones with their own ripples... I just hope that echoes from far away don't cause more trauma.

[kelwinratslayer.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately I have an understanding of where you are coming from. It happens quite a bit in the SCA. One group of people who you really like and admire doesn't agree with another group of people you really like and admire and you hear both sides. Both sides are right and both sides are wrong but how do you make it so the two sides really see that the other sides are just as valid and aren't out to "destroy the universe". I have found that all I can do is try and remind each party that the other party are good folks and that sometimes you have to look at things in a different way. If that fails you just have to stay out of it and listen when each side vents.