and the hackles were raised

You know how sometimes someone tells you something that just makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up and your blood pressure rise?  

But then you take a minute to think about why you are feeling bristly and defensive, and you tell yourself "it's because I am looking out for the best interests of <fill-in-the-blank group of people>, and that is not what's best for them"

But then you think about it some more and wonder if that is truly what you are doing.  Or if the person that said this thing that made you react like that isn't really the one acting in the group's interest?  Or that they are not a thoughtless person. 

And then you wonder what your problem really is and you feel very small, and very hypocritical, and very sad and self-critical.